happy is what I should be; this has taken so much out of me

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I’ve come to realize that I’m really in-experienced when it comes to socializing with difficult people outside of the workplace or authority figures. Drug addicts, those diagnosed mental illnesses, alcoholics, you name it, I’ve been understanding, friendly and caring to all walks of humanity. The issue comes with people who are rude and offensive for absolutely no reason. I’m not one for confrontations; I grew up with a lot of yelling and fighting, I’m done with that. Typically when I encounter someone like this I just simply avoid him/her; they don’t exist to me, period. These people are usually strangers, so whether or not I will run into him/her again is highly unlikely anyways. When the person(s) isn’t a stranger, I don’t know what the fuck to do with myself. I’m in shambles of disappearing because I wear my emotions on my face and it’s clear that I’m unhappy, so why stay in misery. Or as I usually handle it, I give it another chance and let it ride out. That’s until ONE thing happens and I sink to his/her level and be twice as rude. How fucking embarrassing and disgusting. I don’t take well to being disrespected, offended, or whatever. I stick up for myself, friends, family, and belongings until the death of me. I just don’t know what to do or say, or maybe rather not do or say. It’s not in my nature, and I completely despise stating the obvious of people’s flaws; it’s not me to tell you. I’m far from perfect and VERY sensitive, but I have something in me that some kind of way detects other’s nature/feelings. And my interpretations of these vibes are hardly ever wrong–probably one of my best characteristics, all of my friends would agree. I can sense hostility and kindness from a distance. I keep telling myself ‘not everyone is meant to be friends’ (or even get along), but it still pains me.

dontbemad@gmail.com

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